Lost In Nowhere

Is it real?

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 16:28:55 GMT

Figurines that fall like leaves then disappear, keep calling
Is it real? Is it real?
Dark machines that wheeze and breathe then mock the air, appalling
What is real? What is real?
This world can really be too much
I can't take another day
I guess that I've just had enough
My minds slipping far away
I'm falling in and out of touch
Could someone please explain?

Set my mind for open sky, but couldn't fly, so sadly
What am I? What am I?
Sullen eyes shed teardrop lies then criticize, now laughing
What is real? What is real?
It's really all become too much
I'm not sure what I should feel
I guess I've finally had enough
I don't know if this is real
I'm crashing in and out of touch
Can anyone please explain?

Am I real?

Am I real?

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 07:45:33 GMT

Please listen to me and my reasons
The things I’ve done to stop the rain
You must listen very closely
All my words are never sane.
I never wanted fucking answers.
Or any of my father's traits.
Just want a absence from this madness
Just one days rest from all the pain

I am here, I have failed.
You are there, you have your rail.
I was there , when I failed.
I can never save you from yourself
Nothings gonna save your from yourself.

Ill admit, I know Im wicked
I know at times I cause the rain
From me there will be no comfort
From all the times I’ve brought you pain
You have stared in to my abyss
You know damn well that im insane
Id say sorry for my sickness
But sorry's won't take out the stain.

You were there, when I failed
Im right here, I have my ale
You were here, when I failed
You can never save me from myself
Nothings going to save me from myself

Can you hear me just a whisper
Do you know im just a fake
On a stone above are love
The ghost of us about to fade.
So now just lay me in my coffin
The dirt will hide me from the rain
No more living no more breathing
Just an absence from you face.

I was there, when you had your rail
You were there, when I had my ale
We were there, we both failed
No one can save us form ourselves
Nothings gonna save us from ourselves.

Sun, 13 Nov 2005 21:30:47 GMT

You once said
I was all Bad Blood
Now it’s been bleed
Through my veins it no longer runs
So tell we why I’m still alive
Please tell me why I’m still alive

Now that you’re here and now that she’s here
I’m drunk as fuck so lets get this air clear
I’m not living, for all that you blew
All your coke, all you life all the friends that you knew
And now that I’m free, don’t care what you do
Just know that I lied each time I said I love you.

It was said
Only you could keep me
From destroying myself
So if you have left me completely
Tell me why am I still Alive?
Please tell me why Am I still alive?

I look in the mirror
And there is no fear
Of me all alone, I don’t need your ghost here.
I know your dying
I know it’s not fair
But I can’t look at you and say that I care.

I’m such a fake
All this Sotto blasphemy
Is taking it’s toll on my words.
I know what dose this thing to me
So tell me why do I have to lie.
Please tell me why do I have to lie?

Sun, 10 Jul 2005 22:14:05 GMT

Nothing can stop me now. I have asended beyond petty differences. Fear is the mind-killer. I refuse to be a victem.

Sun, 03 Jul 2005 04:32:13 GMT

And so it ends. And im not sad. So don't you be sad for me.

Sun, 19 Jun 2005 15:52:10 GMT

What the fuck is going on over in that damn hell hole of a town. It sounds like it a bloody fucking warzone down there. Madness.

Sun, 29 May 2005 12:46:49 GMT

Your blood on my hands.
It drips to my feet.
I watch as you choke.
On your disbelief.
That I could do.
These things to you.
But I'm still playing.
To your own set rules.

This is what you get!!
This is what is fit!!
For your be-trail!!
Now you look so frail!!
Choking on your own blood.
Soaking in your own blood.
Choking on your own blood.

I take razor spite.
From deep with in.
I lick my lips.
I split a grin.
I slit your throat.
I watch it bleed.
I'm sure your death.
Ill be set free.

As you lay your head to rest!!
I must confess!!
As I watch you die!!
I get a seance of pride!!
From you lifeless eyes.
From you empty eyes.
From you lifeless eyes.

I wait until.
You stop to twitch.
Ive had my fill.
Ive scratched my itch.
I soak you in gas.
I lite a match.
And as I watch you burn.
The flames they start to dance.

As I dance with them!!
Broken bones they start to mend!!
No one will look for you!!
No one left that cares for you!!
Whats left go's in the lake.
I give you to the lake.
Whats left go's in the lake!!

Wed, 11 May 2005 20:20:36 GMT

Ms. Iowa come and have a seat with me.
And tell me what we think I am worth.
Be honest if you don't think it is very much.
That my mother spoke truly at my birth.

Ms. Iowa your so far away from me.
Even when you come to my town.
You lie to us both when you say you care for me.
I see through it, and I smile my frown.

I lie in my bed as I think out loud.
And take one long slow hit.
I wonder who you waste your affection on.
Cause I never seem to get my fix.

And you have become like a drug to me.
It was easy at first I admit.
But as i lift my heavy head and I look around.
I realize that Im addicted.

Ms. Iowa your so far away from me.
Even when you come to my town.
I know very well Im not as interesting as my friends.
So please talk to them while I smile my frown.

I know you will never fit in my puzzled life.
Empty edges are jagged like a knife.
Your much to arranged and well rounded off.
To be the missing part in this puzzled mans life.

But im sure ill spend some time trying to fit you in.
Like a frustrated boy that sits alone.
Staring at a picture of how things should be.
Scattered peaces , there placement unknown.

Ms. Iowa your so far away from me.
Even when you come to my town.
Sometimes I almost believe that you care for me.
Cause now you hate it when I smile my frown.

Sometimes late she will find me sleeping.
In the room I have chosen for the night.
She lays by my side and as I awake.
I think this would be a nice way to spend my life.

And as the night winds down you say you must leave.
And your fingers through my hair they do comb.
And Im not sad when all you say is call me.
Your so much nicer to me on the phone.

Ms. Iowa your so far away from me.
ANd now your not even in town.
And it kills me to know we can never be.
That why ill always be smiling this frown.

Thats why Ill always be smiling this frown................

Fri, 06 May 2005 04:42:58 GMT

I'm still Alive.

Sat, 26 Mar 2005 15:51:09 GMT

SAVE ME......................

Black Haired Porcelain Doll

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 16:02:08 GMT

Slide the knife in gently
I can take it if you just go slow.
To see my crimson shame will make you smile contently.
And I can keep the scar as a memento.

You love to see me bleed this bad blood.
You love to tare my flesh off by strips.
You love to see my tired eyes flood.
So you can indulge in a salty sip.

Take my eyes, no want to see.
Cut them out with your razor spite.
Seeing you happy, torturing me
Do what’s right and take my sight

Now for the bones coated with moral rust.
One well placed blow is all you need.
Won’t be hard , reduce them to dust.
On the powder you may feed.

Pick at my brain, your don’t want it all.
Cut around the dark fatty parts, you only want the meat.
No need for flames, you’ll eat it raw.
Only served cold, can you enjoy this delicious treat.

Time to cut through the chest, no pointy ribs to protect.
You found it, the heart, all shriveled and black.
You think to you lessons as you reflect.
You whisper “To small, I think all throw it back”

STAY AWAY!!!!!!!!

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 21:19:13 GMT

This is what is has come to.
You fucks think you know what I am
You think you know the depths of this!
You think you can contain me!
I can’t be beaten.
Not by any of you, not by broken frames.
I don’t die!
I never stay down.
I will destroy one by one.
I will cover this world with shadow.
I will rise up onto the pale moonlight and carve what I am in my chest.
Stay away from what I have become.
Be afraid of what I am.
All compaction has been drained.
Nothing left but a gasoline rainbow by me feet.
Blood drips from my clenched fists as my uncut nails dig into my skin.
I’m all but a Monster now.
Stay away.

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 18:47:32 GMT

Your sweet little hands
Brush right past me
Sometimes you don't understand
Why you can't reach
I bite when I don't want to bend
How silent I can be
So she is silent too
She's the one who saw my words
Broken, Torn at the seams
And broken words were all she heard
Now she's walking away from me
Some never meant
And some meant well
The difference between us is so
Hard to tell
I was so shaken but now
All I see
Is everything she meant to me

Darkest Days

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 07:57:40 GMT

There are times when I'm just a shell
When I do not feel anything for anyone
All I feel is hollow and bruised
Used up and misused
Forced to be someone I don't want to be
Have I failed somehow or some way
Will the weight of today finally pull me down to drown
In the depths of despair
Where I am alone
Except for my rage

My rage
My pain
I hate my darkest days
My rage
My pain
I hate my darkest days
My rage
My pain
I hate my darkest days
My rage
My pain
I hate my darkest days
My darkest days

Give up and be nothing.

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 16:00:13 GMT

Never been one for this world.
Never been free from the pain
Never been at peace of mind
Never been what I needed

Let my monsters comfort me in sweet nothing.
Let my madness fade to empyness.
Let my vision cloud and my eyes fade from color
Let my memories die with my love
Let my pale raven rise above me.

Give in to the empty comfort of the shadows
Give in to void and the engulfing abyess.
Give in to hate and embrace the rage.
Give in to the spreading dark in your heart.

Can I give in to it completely?
Can I erase the scars with lies?
Can I Rest now?

Your Waters

Sun, 20 Feb 2005 01:52:23 GMT

There are no longer any parts pure inside.
Everything has been tainted Since you washed me clean with your lies.
And no matter how I try
I can’t seem to free myself from the tide of your poison sea.

Laughing waves toss my broken mind
Needy seaweed slips round my waste and pulls me down below
But I don’t fight, I wont struggle
Never been very found of breathing

As I hit rock bottom liquid love
I open my eyes and see the inky nothing round me.
The only color, a trail of red dye from my faded heart.
I can hear a waterlogged voice now, telling me that with you I’m a happy man.

The winds of deception are now blowing.
And a storm of change is brewing.
The icy waters grow tired of my stay.
As the mermaid shows me it's only the cow of the sea.

I’m washed ashore
Cast out from the cold comfort
Marooned on an island of self loathing
Ill stay on the beach, from here your waters I can still adore

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 06:27:34 GMT

Fallen from my dark cloud.
Can't seem to fly.
Blood pasted feathers stick to these bones that sprout from my back.
As useless as the arms of tiny arctic butlers.
But I still press on, knowing that I may only once again end up at the Village of No Avial.
I dig my fingers into the earth, and pull wahts left of me towards the unknown.
She will come soon.
And she will bring the Ugly Ones.
But I will stand my ground.
Keep fighting the good fight.
As I scream aloud.
"I WILL NOT DIE FOR YOU TONIGHT!!!!!!!"

or ever again.......

NO MORE PAIN

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 08:00:46 GMT

My madness Grin keeps me warm as cold fire spreads through my heart.
Your sharp eyes and pointy words can no longer hurt me.
I’m below that now. Or am I just to the side?
This way or that it will never really matter.
You put a well placed lie in the back of my heart.
Found plenty of moral decay with in to hide it.
With claw like hands I tore and my chest
And pulled out the seed from hiding.
I spat at you efforts and laugh at your best.
Because I know your wings are no longer fit for flying.

Sat, 29 Jan 2005 10:11:36 GMT

MY ONLY WEAKNESS

I have seen horrors and I have seen pains
I have seen people go down right insane
From seeing and feeling the things I have too.
But Still I am tormented only by you.

You think your so fucking smart.
You think your so fucking slick
You think deception is such an art.
You make me so motherfucking,
Sick to my stomach
Sick to my head
My vision is blurry, my wings are broken
I turn to my side, your still in my bed
I need to shove you off or Ill end up dead

I have seen madness and I have seen hate
I have seen shadows engulf my fate.
To numb these things I use my Rage as a tool
But I still fall into sorrow only for you

RANDOM WORDS

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 08:01:03 GMT

Been drinking for a while now. Madness flowing through my brain. I’m so lost now, I don’t know what to do. Don’t know who to be. Don’t know what to be. Starting to doubt that I should be. All there is now is doubt. Nothing more, and there can be nothing less. I can’t find a real reason to get up anymore. Can’t find a reason to care. SOME ONE PLEASE GIVE ME A REASON! Someone please give me something to believe in. Just One thing, that’s all I ask. I can’t believe In my self anymore, been lying to my self to much to care what I have to say . Can anymore understand me.. Have I gone mad? It feels like it. Everyone’s looking at me, they all know I’ve gone mad, they see it and they fear me. They all Fear me. I’m tired of being feared. I’m tired of being hated. I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want any of it. And now it seems that I’m just rambling on and on, but what dose it matter. Everyone already knows what I am. And they all know I can’t be anyone else. They know it. Why does it have to be like this? Why can’t I be happy? Why can’t I find my lost strength. Where has it gone? Will it ever come back? Is my hopelessness justified? Have I been forever drained of all fortitude? Is this just how it is now? Can I do nothing? Can nothing be done? How and why should I go on? For who? Not for myself. It can never be for my self. I know this to be a truth. Its time for me to stop. It’s time to go back. Back to the shadows. Back where I belong. In the darkness is where I will stay. The abyss will comfort me, keep me warm in it‘s cold fire. Alice will be there. Always waiting for me in the dark.

FIND A WAY

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 07:15:31 GMT

If I could just find a way
To stop loving her
I might find a way
To be ok
I f I could Just find a way
To just walk away
Make the pain sway.
My hate for her stay.
But my Rage always fades
When I gaze in her face
Then her voice flows through my soul
And I’m swept away.

I need you like
You need the white
You smoke
To choke, down the ugly world around you

I need to find a way
To break your chains
To walk through the flame
To escape your name.

I need to Find a way
To keep my self
To change what Ive felt
To make the fears melt
Away…………..

I can’t get you
Out of my head,
Not by my self so instead
Ill drink you from my mind
Ill drown you out of my head

Ill never find a way
To carry on
To except what’s gone
To right my wrongs

Ill never find a way
To love my self again.

USLESS HANDS

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 06:39:14 GMT

Now I understand what I have done
Like slow burning stomach pains, it comes to me
With all this Rage, Peace can’t be won
I’ve let this fire burn too long, now there’s to much smoke to see

With clouded vision I clenched my hands,
To fight my way through this inky abyss
With smoke filled lungs, now I only understand
That I can not win this with my fists.

NO ONES MINDING

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 06:29:37 GMT

Can you see me?
Can you find me?
Madness Climbing.
Terror Binding.
Looking forward to the past.
Wishing every breath my last.
Hatred spreading through my heart.
Evil, Evil, Ill play the part.
Can you see me?
Can you find me?
When I'm bleeding no ones minding.